[Vander noted the undercurrent of disquiet in Clive, the corner of his lips twitching in understanding. As they had said, relationships were complicated.] In his general direction, but I know that you'll walk your own path too. You are, after all, your own man. [He had already put to mind that he needed to meet Clive's brother.] You and your brother are close then. I expect that he appreciates your protection.
[He wondered what kind of live Clive would lead once that mission was over. Once all the fighting and the objectives and the war and the blight ended, assuming that they did in the younger man's lifetime. He supposed that it would simply turn to a different focus along the same lines. Perhaps Clive would find a partner in that and settle down or the pair would work closely together. He admitted to missing that closeness, but that had also been a long time ago.]
Oh you can. I've heard of plenty of people receiving items from home at their wishes. [He had never asked for anything, aware the one item he wanted would cause conflict. And they couldn't wish for people. Still, small trinkets came to him, reminding of what he was fighting for.] Where would you keep this music player of yours if you were granted it here?
[He smirked, filing that information away.] Did you? Well, I'll keep an eye on you if you're at the bar I work at and find yourself too deep into your cups. You can sleep behind the bar if my shift isn't over and I'll keep an eye on you. [It wouldn't be the first time someone slept back there. His smirk did widen at the implication.] So what you're saying is that you find yourself in all manner of trouble and drag everyone helping out down into it? Sounds fun. [He huffed.] Well, now you do know someone.
[He hummed in acknowledgement, glad that Clive did seem to be settling into this place. He hadn't done so as easily, but he was in a better place than when he started. He chuffed a sound of amusement as he nudged their noses together.] Good. Bonds here are important. You never know when you're going to need them. And does your brother know of this potential suitor, or do we need to help him out?
[The cloth worked over Clive's back, between those muscular shoulders and even scrubbed the back of Clive's neck as he began to wash the younger man down as promised. He concentrated on his task, yet remained keenly aware of the weight and warmth of Clive's arm on his shoulder. Soon, he was washing Clive's sides despite knowing that they were areas that the younger man was fully capable of reaching. He wanted to.]
It didn't used to be. I think this place has better shampoo and conditioner than I ever had. [He sighed at the kiss to his jaw, and his head tipped back into those fingers as they pushed into his hair. His eyes closed, enjoying the attention. He'd always liked other people with long hair, running his fingers through it, yet who knew it felt so good to be on the opposite end?]
Careful, you keep that up and I might just go to sleep.
It would have been impossible to follow fully in his footsteps, but the general consensus was that I was far more like him than my mother. [Which wasn’t difficult to do considering who his mother was.] But I never had any interest in being him. I admired him, but I chose my path, fought for it, and achieved it because I wanted to. Not anyone else. [Clive laughs a little.] I expect that he would also appreciate it if I let him protect me a bit more. It’s a difficult habit to break.
[Clive thought about the first time he ever laid eyes on Joshua, how that tiny, strong hand had gripped his finger, how he had decided right then and there that he would do anything to protect him.] He has been my guiding light in some of the darkest moments of my life. He has protected me more than he knows. [Clive looks back at Vander.] Do you have any siblings?
[Clive does perk up a bit at that thought.]
First things first, I’m going to see if they’ll let me get my dog. [Torgal is, in fact, a wolf, and a fine one at that.] I think I would put it somewhere in the monastery. I am still exploring all of the places and have been thinking of changing one of the empty rooms to a peaceful place where I can relax that isn’t my bedroom.
[That was a story he had planned on taking to his grave, but Sophie knew a bit about it now. He didn’t intend to tell anyone else, but Vander also had a way of pulling the honesty out of him.] Hopefully, I don’t have to take you up on that, but I will. I’m not usually one to get too drunk. [Someone had to keep an eye on the other people in the party. Especially if Gav was there. A soft pang fills his heart, but Clive quickly pushes it aside.] Well hopefully any trouble I may end up getting into is fun. I wouldn’t want to lead you into something unpleasant. [He leans up to kiss the corner of Vander’s mouth.] Thank the Founder for that.
[He felt surprisingly safe being carried in Vander’s arms. The lack of control that comes with being carried sounded like something he would have wanted to avoid, but with Vander it was exciting.]
I don’t think he does, though I have the feeling it is reciprocated. [Clive chuckles.] Said suitor is pretty hopeless at picking up on cues so we probably will need to help them out. He’s very respectful. Very. You’ve seen him, actually. He’s the dragon from the battle earlier.
[His attention drifted to the feeling of the cloth running over his body, Vander’s hand steadying him, if it was possible to get lost in someone’s touch, he was on the fast track to learning how to do it with this man. He offered no resistance to Vander starting to wash his sides. He would let Vander wash every inch of him if the man wanted to.
Clive leaned up once more to kiss Vander, this time soft and slow, hand continuing to scratch across Vander’s scalp, his other hand coming up to rest on Vander’s chest. He could see them lying together in his bed, wrapped around each other, Clive’s hands in his hair, them talking quietly about anything and nothing and falling into quiet sleep.
He slid his hand up, traced fingers over strong collarbones, to drape that arm over Vander’s shoulder as well, pulling them closer together, never breaking the kiss. This want was so much different than the fiery want of desire, but felt just as good. When he reluctantly slowed the kiss, he did not move away.]
Then I’ll have to do it for you when we go back to my room.
[They were here to bathe but the only thing he wanted to do was kiss and touch and just be.]
We all seem to take after one parent over the other. There's tension in your voice the way that you say the word mother; I take it that is an uneasy relationship? [He didn't want to pry, but he left the door open if Clive wished to speak of the woman.] What did you find admirable about him, hmm? [He snorted, nodding his head.] Ah well, that is a hard habit to break when you're used to being the protector. [He knew from experience, and he had the benefit of size even back then.]
Me? No. [He thought of leaving it like that, adding nothing but aware that it would be in poor taste after Clive had shared so much.] I had a cousin who I would visit when he was older, so we were close enough I suppose. My parents died when I was young, and my uncle didn't have the resources to spare raising an extra kid, so I went to the orphanage for most of my childhood. [He had visited anyway, much to his uncle's gruff aggravation; he knew the man cared yet was shamed he couldn't take Vander in. But between a nephew and a son, hard choices were made.
He smiled at the thought of a dog, and he was not surprised that Clive was an animal person on top of everything else. The younger man seemed to attract all manner of attention with that gregarious personality.] What's your dog's name? [He huffed in amusement.] You're going to make a audio room them, are you? Away from the noisiness of your bedroom because you have too many guests over, is it? Or maybe just one or two that come around to make it noisy...
[Ah, so Clive was the responsible one in a drinking situation, was he? That did not actually surprise Vander at all. There was a continual air of responsibility that he found attractive, perhaps because he had once been the same.] Well, if you come to the bar I work at, you can take a load off and enjoy yourself. I'll take care of you instead of you constantly having to do so for others. I'll even let you stay after closing while I clean up and we can talk. [They probably wouldn't by that point of the night, he suspected. Closing might actually take him longer with Clive sitting on a stool being a welcome distraction.
He snorted in amusement that the two in this courtship were unaware. His hands slid down Clive's soapy arm so that he could take special care with the younger man's hand, finding all the nooks and crannies with the soap and his own fingers.] I see. It seems I have a date with these two to meet and discover things about them. We can work together to bring them together. [He did enjoy setting up people, though he did not do it as often as he used to. Perhaps he was losing his touch, or perhaps he was too busy with his own dalliances.] You said the dragon's name was Bahamut? And the one he is bonded to is Dion...?
[His fingers massaged Clive's soaped up hand the up to wrist and back down again. He repeated the cleaning and massage with the other even as their lips found each other again. He did not need to see to know the younger man by feel in this cleaning session. His eyes even closed with Clive's fingers scratching through his hair and against his scalp. Of course, being touched in return meant having Clive's hands free and he didn't fight for them.
Instead, he was forced to break the slow affectionate kiss. He dropped slow and easy into the water, grasping Clive by a knee to bring one leg up so the younger man could set a foot on his shoulder. It was all so he could use soap and cloth to wash from the bottom of Clive's foot to up over the swell of hip, his fingers stroking long lines even as he was cleaning. He admired those big muscled legs, especially because signs of their previous activities needed to be washed off.]
Staying the night with you comes with so many added benefits...
I’m not sure that Joshua took after either our mother or father. Maybe I am too close to see it, though. As for my father, he was a brave man who fought for his people. He dedicated his life to improving the lives of others less fortunate than himself. [Clive laughs quietly.] I suppose I turned out more like him than I thought. [Clive is quiet, pensive. What to say about his mother?] Our relationship was… complicated. I was not what she wanted and she made no effort to hide it.
[Clive takes a moment to rest his forehead on Vander’s shoulder. Despite all that she did and said, he found that he still loved her in his own way. That was what hurt the most. He took a deep breath and looked back up. He wasn’t sure why, but he wanted to talk to Vander about this, to tell him that what he was doing was good and kind and appreciated.] That it is. Oddly enough, [Clive tilted his head, smile soft.] It feels a little easier with you.
[Clive felt a small jolt of excitement at Vander continuing, giving him a glimpse into the life of the man in front of him.] I’m glad you had your cousin. Having at least a little connection with others can do a lot to help get through hard times. [He pauses, debating asking the next question. Well, Vander could always choose not to answer if needed.] What was it like, growing up in the orphanage?
His name is Torgal. I’ve had him since he was a pup. [Clive smiles fondly.] He was Cid’s for a while, actually. Togal and I got separated for a bit. So I guess you could say that when Cid came into my life, he brought pieces of home with him. [He had never expected to see Jill or Torgal again. And yet, there in the craggy desert of the Nysa Defile, a mysterious man from out of nowhere brought Clive home.
Clive focused back into the conversation. Would it be too much to tell Vander that he had been the first, that he was the only one? That didn’t necessarily mean that Vander would stay the only one, but right now he was satisfied with the man he had in front of him.] For things like this, [He emphasizes the gentle nature of what they were doing now with another soft kiss to Vander’s shoulder.] I tend to be a lot more selective. You, sir, surprised me.
That might be fun. [It probably would be. He would get to be there with Vander and people-watch, which was always an amusing activity. And maybe afterwards, well. They did seem to have a problem keeping their hands off each other.]
Dion is a gentle guidance sort of person. To be honest, I’m not sure how much he actually values himself, but that is based solely on what I have seen of him. We are pretty new to each other and I am still learning him. [Even if he did see into his mind and some of his most intimate and traumatizing memories. Thanks, power transference.] Yes, Dion is the Dominant of Bahamut, Warden of Light.
[Clive watched closely as Vander slowly washed him. He couldn’t help the soft exhale as the other man took meticulous and gentle care. There it was again, that flutter in his chest. This was so much more than he ever expected from something like this. Watched as the man lowered himself to kneel in front of Clive, take his leg gently and thoroughly running that cloth and those fingers over his skin.
Clive gazed down at Vander, eyes soft and the tiniest smile on his face, as he delicately touched him. Clive stroked the other man’s hair, occasionally scratching his nails gently on his scalp, traced dancing lines across his brow, his cheek, the strong bridge of a nose clearly at least once broken, reached down to scratch fingers through that stunning beard of his. A warmth that had nothing to do with the water or the steam filled him. It was so gentle and encompassing. He didn’t want this moment to stop. If he could bottle a feeling, a memory, and keep it forever, he would keep this.]
I aim to please. [And Clive found that to be entirely true.] Being pleased in return is a nice perk.
[Vander picked out nuance in the conversation topic from experience.] So your father was a good man who wasn't home all that much because he was away improving everyone else's life that he thought he needed to, huh? [He had seen it before. Men and women leaving their children behind to work themselves to death, to earn a living or just following a passion well beyond the circle of family.] And what was it that your mother wanted that you could not live up to?
[Again, family was complicated as any other relationship, sometimes more so. It seemed that the more he dug into Clive's family dynamic, the more the picture was being painted of a dysfunction that explained a lot of who Clive had made himself into over time.] I appreciate that you feel you can trust me with this information. It's deeply personal.
[Vander's smile turned a touch sad, and he nodded his head.] Yeah, I had them for a time, and it was enough. My cousin had a son, and due to circumstances, I ended up adopting the boy later in my life. [Claggor had been a spitting image of their family tree, big and broad but gentle like his cousin. He turned his attention to the other topic.] Crowded, noisy and with barely enough to go around. I think my first night there it was ten kids to a bed. We were taught to read and write, but with so many of us, we tended to wander far and wide. Still, it was home for a long time and I met some people I would be friends with most of my life. [Until they or he died.
He filed away the pup's name, expecting he was going to need to use it sooner than later.] It seems fitting with a history like that that Torgul arrive here to be your companion again. [He hoped that Clive did see if Aurora would bring a companion in. Everyone needed someone or something from home.
He smirked at the fact that he was a first of a few experiences or at least someone that Clive had chosen. His hands smoothed over hard muscle under skin, soap making it easier to slide his own well worn callouses over the meat of Clive's thighs.] It sounds like you're saying I found a way to slip in when others can't. I'll take that as a high compliment of my skills. [It was more than that. The shared hunger, the instant connection. Those were hard to find.]
It sounds to me that there are plenty of people who have been chosen by these... Eikons that don't value their own selves and contributions. Cid, now Dion, and what of your brother? Does he value himself? [He took Clive's word for what each Eikon represented, filing away the information for when he might inevitably meet Dion in person.
For now, he wanted this time with Clive. His hands stroked up over the younger man's muscular ass cheeks, cleaning the mess he had made without hesitation. Once he was done with one leg, he lowered it back to the water so he could repeat the same gesture and touch with the other after setting it to his shoulder. All the while, he watched Clive, feeling the weight of those dazzling blue eyes.
His eyelids half closed as he felt those fingers in his hair and then smoothing over the contours of his face. He jutted his chin out towards those fingers in his beard like a dog enjoying a good scratch. His hands spent extra time on this leg, lathering and stroking it so they could keep this moment ongoing.]
You should be pleased more often, I think. A little reciprocal affection is worth its weight in gold, don't you think?
[Clive knew that giving Vander any information would likely turn to him making these kinds of connections. He was an intuitive man, the kind of intuition that tends to only come from pain. Clive wondered what all Vander went through to have to be so keen. Still, what Vander says about Elwin stings. It’s true. There are feelings there that he never allowed himself to look at, to assess. The overt neglect of his mother was easier to handle.] I wasn’t selected by the Phoenix.
[And that was it, really. He was strong, bold, charismatic, dedicated, and healthy. To her, a perfect choice for the Phoenix and yet… Clive closed his eyes, brow furrowed, thinking about the last time he saw her, what she had become, unsteady, unstable. Would that have happened if he found her sooner? Had been able to talk to her, get her to see past her bloodline? Or was this the wish of a child who did not know the touch of their mother? He wasn’t sure and now he would never be able to learn. Clive’s voice is quiet with a raw edge to it, a tone Vander would not have heard before now.] It is. Thank you for listening.
[Clive continues to trace gentle patters across Vander’s skin. So he lost his cousin and gained a son. When did Vander adopt the other two children, he wondered. Talking about his kids had been a sensitive topic before. He wanted to be gentle here, careful. Vander deserved softness.] So that was when you started learning what it was like to be a father. Would you be comfortable with telling me about him? Your son?
[Clive tries to imagine something that isn’t a barracks. A place full of children instead of the bitter stares of men enslaved to be thrown to the front to die. Would there have been laughter even though there was suffering there? Drawings and colorings made with supplies they scavenged from anywhere they could? Dolls made from scraps of old cloth? Children were so resilient. Clive thought of the children back at the Hideaway and hoped they were okay. He knew they were well cared for, but not being able to see them himself hurt more than he thought it would.]
Sometimes we meet people who will be with us our whole lives in the strangest of places. It makes sense that kids would connect there, though. I’m glad you were able to find people there that you cared for. [Even when love usually ended in heartbreak in one way or another.]
[Clive’s eyes fond at the thought of his faithful hound.] I’m going to ask her. If she allows it, I would love for you to meet him. He’s a great friend and a very good size for petting and hugging. Actually, when we were children and he was a pup, my friend Jill would carry him around. Maybe that’s part of the reason why he is so good with people despite being a wolf.
[Fire and Flame he wanted to kiss this man. Pull him up and pour himself into him. How did he do this? That smirk, the cadence of his voice. The teasing didn’t feel disingenuous, just playful. It was different. New. It was nice.] You certainly ensured that our spark turned into a flame. [He pauses.] I think we would have connected regardless, but I must say this has been a very exciting way to get to know someone.
[Clive thought for a couple of minutes.] I don’t think it is a matter of Joshua not valuing himself, he just values some people more and is willing to put himself in danger for that. [Clive watched his own hands touching Vander, thinking about the cage in Joshua’s chest, something he did to save Clive, something that was killing him. Well. He’d already said this much. In for a penny.] He did something similar for me. It was very dangerous. Maybe that’s why I am more resistant to let him protect me, too. [Even if he was already doing it every day.]
[Clive gently took his thoughts and concerns for Joshua and set them aside. Guilt stabbed into him at the thought of wanting to take the time to be cared for. His fingers still for a moment. He is allowed to have these things. It is okay. He’s not putting Joshua aside, he’s making space for something new. He can make space for something new.
Clive’s fingers started moving again when his first leg was lowered into the water, the sensation pulling him back into the moment. The guilt still lingered, but it retreated to the edges of his mind, haunting quietly like the ghost it had been for most of his life, a sensation he was long past getting used to.
The gentleness, the caresses, the warmth from Vander’s hands, his skin, how his hair felt under his hands. Clive felt something swell in his chest, a burst of affection at how Vander reacted to getting his beard scratched. Had his leg not been over Vander’s shoulder, he would have been down in the water, kissing him. The smile he couldn’t keep from his face was so full of wonder and fondness. What a strange, wonderful man. He fell into the sensation of Vander’s ministrations.]
Yes. [His response was quiet, a breath out, a secret admission of a desire he hadn’t acknowledged, something coaxed from deep within.
Clive slid his leg off of Vander’s shoulder and sank into the water in front of him. He pulled the other man closer, pressing their bodies together and tangled a hand into the other man’s hair, the other arm wrapped around Vander’s waist. His words, when spoken, were a gentle whisper.]
[He noted that Clive neither confirmed nor denied his assessment of the situation, and for men like the younger man, it notoriously meant that he had likely hit close to home. The lack of answer also indicated that it was a complicated subject and Clive was not looking to discuss the matter at this time. Yet, the simplicity of the answer about the mother belayed the true depth of what he expected was a turbid relationship fraught with emotional scarring.] But you were chosen by Ifrit, and you’re special even compared to the others.
[He tipped his head so that his cheek came to rest against Clive’s knee, watching the grimace overtake the younger man’s otherwise pleasant appearance. There was so much to unpack from that experience, like why the family had not stopped Clive from being taken to slavery? Why had they not protected their offspring from that life and the high possibility of death that came with it? Again, family was a complicated subject, one best left for other spaces.] Of course. I will listen to anything that you feel that you can entrust me with.
[He shook his head a little at the statement, lips pressing to a flat line.] No, there were friends of mine whose young children stayed with me while they worked. I had a more secure location, and the shifts in the mines was twelve hours, so it was easiest if I minded them. [That’s where he learned skills at being fatherly, and it would come into play when Felicia and Connol died, leaving Vander with sole responsibility of raising the girls.] A chip off his father’s block, I suppose. My cousin was big and broad similar to me, and so was Claggor. He had a gentle nature to him that didn’t thrive well in our home, but when called to action, he didn’t hesitate to involve himself. He was a smart boy and had a thing about botany, which is strange given how few plants thrived in the undercity. [He shrugged his shoulders, his hands still washing Clive in an absentminded manner of someone who had retreated internally.] Claggor died just before I came here. Him and Mylo, my other son.
[He nodded his head, forcing a smile on his face as he shook off the dark memories of seeing his children crushed and buried while dust and smoke tried to choke them. It was true that he had met some amazing people here, and he considered Clive to be one of them despite having just met the younger man. It was necessary to put one foot in front of the other after facing down the long due vengeance that was brought upon him.]
I don’t know many people that would consider a wolf anything more than a wild animal. Still, there are occasion when pups are seen on the black market for trade or sale. [They did not do well in the undercity for the lack of forests. But he did not deny that they were likely to be loyal companions if traded well and treated right.] Jill isn’t here, is she?
[He huffed in amusement to the compliment, and that was an excellent show that he still had those old skills. Of course, both of them had been open and raw to this kind of connection that they had shared with each other.] This is one of the more exciting ways that I’ve met and connected with someone. Normally people I meet don’t immediately take me home and show me a good time, including a massive bath like this.
[He listened and considered; he honestly needed to meet Clive’s brother and assess for himself. Some people were self-sacrificing, and perhaps that was part of what it was to be chosen by the Phoenix?] That sounds like befitting behavior of someone with high expectations about what it means to be chosen for a higher cause. Someone willing to take damage so that others can be protected. [Self destructive if it went too far.] You know he will do it again if he thinks it will protect you, right? Your opposition to that fact won’t help his choices, just as I expect he wouldn’t want you to sacrifice everything you are for him?
[Clive was an expressive man, but it took time to determine what expression came to the younger man’s handsome features. Was that… guilt? The last topic was Joshua, so perhaps the ongoing continued complications of family extended this far. Who knew, and it did not seem to be a topic worth pursuing as he finished washing Clive and then simply enjoyed the simplicity of touching the other man at the same time being touched in return. That smile made everything worth it and more, how it alighted Clive’s face and eyes but also twisted that scar in a new show of defiance against the sorrow it probably was meant to represent.
He allowed Clive’s leg to slide off of his shoulder, and his arms slid around the younger man’s back as Clive joined him in the pleasantly hot water. He pulled the younger man up against him, still slick from soap, and yet his head fell backwards as the fingers in his hair, and he breathed a low sound out of his throat at the request.
With both gentleness and affection, he leaned in to seal their lips together. It was quiet and simple, yet he wanted it to have the same weight as their most passionate kisses. It was both thanks and welcome and friendly.]
[Maybe one day he would tell Vander more about his family, his mother, but he couldn’t do it today. The pain was raw, rawer than he thought it would be. He could still see her sometimes, the blade to her throat, fear marring her features, splashing Joshua with her blood as the knife bit the skin. It was Joshua’s face that lingered, how he looked when he turned, something closed inside of him, fist clenched. Joshua was always so good at schooling his features, but never his hands.] None of us knew that yet. [He paused, considering.] I try not to think about how our relationship would have been different had we known. [It was more pain than it was worth.]
[Clive watched Vander rest his cheek on his knee and traced his fingers along his cheek. He was a giving man, Vander. Generous with his support and his time. Clive could see a lot of his own behaviors in this man. He knew what usually came with that kind of attentiveness.] The same is true for you, Vander. If there is anything you ever want to share, I’ll listen.
[Clive watched Vander as he spoke. This was difficult for him, just as talking about Clive’s family was difficult. And yet, he shared. Clive wondered what happened to those girls, what happened to their parents if Vander considered his time with their children his first true experience being a father. 12 hours a day was more than enough time to form a connection like that, but was that all? There was pain in this man, pain so deep that Clive couldn’t quite see the bottom.
Oh. Oh no. His sons. Clive’s heart broke for the man who was absently touching him, mind clearly elsewhere. Clive pressed his touch a little harder, making sure they could still be felt through the haze that came with faraway looks like that. But the smile that Vander forced after was what hurt the most. He traced his fingers along those lips, against that false smile.] You never have to fake a smile for me, Vander. I want you to know that. [He touched the corner of Vander’s mouth.] Though I understand if you need to do it for you.
[Clive left one hand to gently cup Vander’s cheek and the other to pet those soft locks.] Wolves are intelligent creatures and very loyal. I do think that they deserve to stay wild and be free. My father took pity on Torgal. His family had been killed and he was all alone as a pup, so my father brought him home to me as a gift.[And Clive had always been good with animals. Jill’s gentle presence and Joshua’s love helped the pup to know home and love. He missed so much of Torgal’s life and that pained him, but he also took solace in the fact that Torgal found Cid and the people of the Hideaway. He had a home when Clive couldn’t provide one for him. He had never expressed his gratitude for that. Maybe he should.
Clive shook his head.] No, she isn’t. I already miss her. [Her presence was always so grounding, her clear ice grey eyes always sharp but kind, her gentle, encouraging smile. His heart clenched in his chest and he had to remind himself that she was safe. That she had to be safe. He chased the pain away with Vander’s gentle affection and set the guilt there aside as well. Later. He would look at it later. Right now, he only wanted to look at this man.
He let that affection in his chest stay, grow, warm him. He was allowed to hold this space for other people. And Vander had quickly made a home in that space. Clive wondered how long he would stay, if this was something he would want to do again. Not just the sex, but this. The bath, the conversation, the care.
Right now, that didn’t matter. He let himself fall into that kiss. It was just as wonderful as any of their other kisses that promised passion and sometimes even a bit of violence. This was just as good, something that soothed and watered the seeds of friendship Vander had planted. This would be unlike any friendship Clive ever had, that’s for certain. The thought made him smile into the kiss. Slowly, he tapered off and rested his forehead against Vander’s.]
Shall I wash your hair now? [He nuzzled Vander’s nose lightly.] And maybe the rest of you, if you’ll let me.
[It seemed to him that the pain of their families was yet another common thread that he and Clive had which bound them together. It seemed to a common thread between people, something that most of them could connect on in some way. There was a way to relate to one another in a shared pain, and family was always complicated and he was very much aware that there was far, far more to Clive's dynamic with that family as there was so much more with own relationships.] We can't change the past. [How many times had he said that?] I appreciate the offer, Clive. [Would he talk more about it all? Maybe. Likely not as he currently was.
Yet, he did appreciate the added application of pressure to the touch of Clive's fingers against his skin. It drew his slowly out of the darkness of that evening, the smell of acrid chemicals, smoke, concrete dust, the confusion spark of chem-tech lights casting shadows over the debris field and then looking through the clouds of dust to spy Claggor and Mylo crushed under the rocks. Maybe they died before the internal wall collapse. Maybe they hadn't.
His smile remained yet became worn by old grief at the edges. He held himself together because the situation seemed to require it, and the shadow of the past lingered in his gaze even as he tried to shake it off and bring himself back to the here and the now. Clive's voice and touch helped him find his way back.] Ah well, if I don't smile, I expect I'll ruin the mood with potential tears and we don't have time for that, do we? [They did, but he wanted to save face here.
Instead, he focused on their time together in the bath as he finished washing Clive. Hair, face and neck was about all that he had left, but he appreciated sitting in the bath like this.] I can't say we have many, if any, wolves where I'm from, not in the city at least. There are some in forests and grasslands, but that's well beyond where I live. It is nice that you've had such a loyal companion and you'll be hopefully bringing him here. [He hadn't had too much room in his life for pets, but he liked playing with some of the stray cats now and again.] Maybe Jill will arrive here someday.
[He leaned into their affection, and he was keen to chase away the darker topics of conversation even if they were necessary for growth between them. It was enough, he thought, and they had a kiss to enjoy and Clive needed to be rinsed off. He hummed as their kiss broke and their foreheads came together, his hands smoothing over slick skin of Clive's back.]
If you want to. We need to do yours as well. [He glanced down slightly at himself. He was equally a mess as Clive had been.] You can if you want. What do you say to your bed calling us again after this? [To settle into and cuddle. Who didn't need a nice spooning session after good sex and a bath?]
[One of the many universal constants was that family was complicated. Some just moreso than others. It was the nature of being so close to other people. You saw the things in someone tha you both loved and feared. ] Exactly. There is no point in dwelling on things we couldn’t change. [That didn’t stop some thoughts that sometimes came in the dead of night of a child who had only ever longed for the gentle touch of a mother’s love so painfully robbed of him. But it worked, most of the time.] Of course. [Clive didn’t expect anything today. Hell, he didn’t expect much in the near future, either. But the offer was on the table now and he hoped that one day Vander would take it.
Clive watched as Vander slowly came out of the dark space in his mind where his pain was, where he was sure Vander could see the dark time of the day he lost his sons. Even with Joshua alive and with him, Clive still saw the day where he thought he killed his little brother, screaming and bones breaking. It would haunt him forever. He imagined this would be much the same.
That smile, sad at the edges, that was one that pulled with something real, pain or not. Clive kept his fingers resting softly against the corner of Vander’s mouth, the smile he gave the man was warm and a little sad, sharing in his partner’s pain. His voice had a playful edge to the warmth there when he spoke.] I already did that, remember?
[But he fully understood not wanting to. This was nice, what they had going here. It was gentle and warm. It wasn’t anything near what Clive expected and he relished every moment of it, even the ones tinged with pain.]
I wish I could show you the beautiful parts of my world. There are so many breathtaking places there that I would love for you to see. [Even with the Blight slowly encroaching on the world, nature was still everywhere, fighting to live.] Would you ever be able to see those places back home for you? [He knew that travel wasn’t something that was doable for everyone and, from the sounds of it, he’s probably very busy keeping food on the table.] If I am able to get Torgal here, would you like to go on walks with us? I’m sure he would love the company. [A light blush dusted Clive's cheeks.] So would I.
[The thought of Jill being here gave rise to conflicted emotions. He would love to see her, to have her here beside him. She would get to see and be with Cid again, get to spend time with Joshua, get to meet so many wonderful people, but would she be able to settle knowing that their world was without them? That all who stood against Ultima were here? Every remaining Dominant?
And would he still be allowed to touch Vander like this? Feel his hands on him both in gentleness and in pleasure? To be so close, to kiss him and feel his warmth? Would Jill understand? Did he? Clive felt that terrible pang in his chest again and moved from where their foreheads touched to bury his face in Vander’s neck. His voice was muffled when he spoke.]
Maybe. I don’t know if I would want her to be trapped here, too. Wanting her near me feels selfish when it comes with not being able to protect our home directly.
[Instead of the pain in his chest, he focused on the hands on his back, on how Vander’s voice rumbled against him, soft and affectionate. He held onto that and let the comfort from it all chase the pain back. He knew it wouldn’t be gone forever, but right now he just wanted to want Vander and be wanted in return. To care for and be cared for. When he pulled back to look at Vander again, the pain had drifted to its place away from the forefront.]
I would like to. [He wanted to touch Vander in the ways he had been touched. If this was how Vander treated all of those he slept with, he was sure the man had already experienced all of this and it wouldn’t necessarily be anything special, but Clive wanted to show his appreciation. He nodded at the comment of getting the rest of himself clean. He reached behind Vander to the container with the shampoo and handed it to Vander. He pressed another gentle kiss to the older man’s lips.]
That sounds amazing. [He gave Vander’s nose a brief brush with his own.] I hope you’re ready to hold me. My bed would be too small otherwise.
[And he was learning he liked to be the little spoon.]
[While their intentions were good, Vander knew that both of them had painful pasts that had events which had shaped who they were as men. It was important to talk about it, he knew, but he also understood that it did bring the mood that they had initially been enjoying down a few notches in response. He did not regret one moment asking Clive about family and the younger man's life in general as this was all part of building a relationship. It felt raw for them both of course, remembering terrible days of the past when they both intended to keep levity in their first night together.
He snorted softly and leaned into Clive's hand, acknowledging that yes, his lover had indeed cried after they had finished with one another. Perhaps he could shed a few tears, but right now, he didn't feel up to it.] Yes but your tears were as a result of how mind-blowing sex is with me. They were complimentary tears to my performance. These ones would just be sad.
[And he didn't want to be sad here with Clive. He still felt it like a weight on his shoulders, of course, but part of them coming together like this was to escape the pain that was layered over them and weighing them down. He wanted to provide the same escape that he found with Clive, able to take a load off for a few hours before having to pick it up again.
His smile broadened and warmed at talk of the younger man's world.] Oh yeah? Like where? Describe it to me. [He hummed at the idea of meeting Clive's companion wolf, and he wasn't opposed. It would be nice to know more of the people and creatures of Clive's world after all.] Well, probably not. Travel for me is rather restrictive, so I can't walk away. [For multiple reasons: The Last Drop, he was dead, he had kids, he had lost the Lanes and mostly he was dead.] But I'd be interested in going for walks in the woods, but you'll have to be there otherwise I'll be lost. Everything looks the same in woods to me.
[He blinked at Clive's reaction, tipping his chin up when he felt the warmth of the younger man's face pressing into his neck. His arms moved instinctively to encircle Clive, pulling the soapy body against his own in an act of comfort. He made a point of tipping his head so he could rest his chin against Clive's temple and let the younger man stay against his neck as long as needed.
He understood the logic, yet there seemed to be a deeper conflict in Clive regarding his friend, Jill. Now was not the time to probe into that though.]
She's the stalwart of your world while you're here, hmm? She'll keep things on track until you return triumphant saving your world from here, yeah?
[He nodded his head as they pulled apart and he took the shampoo bottle and emptied some into his palm before setting the bottle aside. He smeared some on both hands and then reached up to dive his fingers into Clive's wet hair, massaging the younger man's scalp as he worked the thick nice smelling gel into a lather then made a point of spiking Clive's hair for the fun of it.
He chuckled and dropped his hands away so he could rinse them off in the water before he was picking up the soap for a lather and washed Clive's neck and face gently before one hand dropped to wash the younger man's genitals and dip back between Clive's legs to do the same to his ass.]
Well, what kind of man would I be if I just let you fall off your own bed because I took up so much space on it? Nah, I'll hold you close all night.
[Clive couldn’t help but smile a little at Vander’s little snort of a laugh. He enjoyed the sound, the feeling of Vander against his hand, the tickle of his facial hair on his palm. This was so nice. Clive felt a little envious of people who got to do this sort of thing all the time.] A performance so beautiful you moved me to tears. [Clive leaned in to press another soft kiss to Vander’s lips.] No sad tears today. Although, [Clive peppered little kisses up to the corner of Vander’s eye between words.] I could always kiss them away. [He was teasing, of course, but it was also a promise to Vander that he didn’t need to suffer through his pain alone
He’d leave it at that. Now that he had spent more time with the man, he would greatly doubt that Vander missed that Clive’s tears from earlier were not simply from being overstimulated. The panic that had gripped him at the thought of Vander leaving him there, undone and alone, that overcame him. His whispered ‘Please don’t go’. He hadn’t been pushed to talk, had been cared for like he was afraid he wouldn’t be. And even now, Vander was protecting him from his own truths. Instead of filling him with shame, it filled him with warmth.]
There are a lot of places that are so beautiful. I think if I had to pick one, I would like you to see Hawk’s Cry Cliff. [Clive smiled at the memory of his homeland.] The grass there is high and green, rolling hills meet crags and cliffs. If you climb, you can see for miles in any direction on a clear day. Even on the foggy ones, you can see. I would like to ride Ambrosia through the tall grass and explore with Jill and, when able, Joshua. Although it was always more difficult to sneak him away if he was let outside of the keep. [Clive gently twisted and untwisted a bit of Vander’s hair between his fingers, gaze far away, fond, and just a little melancholy.] You could see my childhood home from the cliffs there. My father… [His smile turns sad but still fond.] We laid him to rest there so he would be safe and never too far from home.
[Clive blinks and looks back at Vander.] I’m beginning to think he would have liked you, my father. [Time would tell for certain, but Vander had already exhibited traits he knew Elwin would have approved of. Attentiveness, kindness, humor, strength, tenderness, shrewdness, wit, a keen eye.]
We’ll just have to make sure you can see as much nature as possible while you’re here then. Make the best of it. And don’t worry, I won’t let you get lost. I have a pretty keen sense of direction.
[Despite the pangs of uncertainty and guilt, being with Vander like this was comforting. He sighed and willfully pushed the tension out of his body, letting the water take it and wash it away, focusing on Vander’s breathing, watching the pulse point in his neck, feeling his hands against him.
At the feeling of Vander’s strong fingers against his scalp, his eyes slowly closed and a little appreciative groan fell from slightly parted lips. The contented sounds soon turned to quiet laughter as Vander played around with making shapes with his hair.
That feeling of vulnerability seeped back in, not in a fearful or uncomfortable way, but in the way that he knew he would be okay here, that this was a safe space. It wasn’t Vander cleaning his nethers that did it, but feeling those calloused fingers gently wash his face. He kept his eyes closed as he felt the water sluice over him. He almost didn’t want to open his eyes again once he was free of soap. It all just felt so peaceful. When was the last time he felt at peace?]
That’s what I was hoping to hear. Will you stay for breakfast tomorrow?
[Slowly, Clive opened his eyes. I reached back over Vander’s shoulder for the conditioner, passed it to the other man, then lathered soap onto the second washcloth and began his slow, meticulous exploration of Vander’s body, soft cloth moving in gentle circles. Without noticing, he had started humming a little song he used to hum for Joshua when they were small children.]
[As great as sex was - and it was great - it was these little moments afterwards that he found to be special. The teasing, the laughing, the little touches that they shared. This right here was built relationships and trust between people.] We'll see if there will be an eventual repeat performance from us both. [He hoped that they could engage similarly again in future, and he did not actually believe it was something they would avoid.] No sad tears tonight, okay? This is just for us.
[He was looking forward to learning more about Clive, but he wanted it to be natural between them. A give and take just like it had been when they first met and then in the woods and even now in the bathing room. It was clear that both of them were men who carried their scars and experiences upon their shoulders, and it took trust to have them open up. They did not generally allow others to shoulder their burdens with them, if his impressions of Clive were correct.]
Hawk's Cry Cliff. [He repeated the location to commit it to memory. His smile grew as Clive described it, and it was like no where he had probably traveled too, not as a cave dweller that he was. He had been around Etraya enough to understand the type of scene that Clive was describing.] I've never climbed an actual mountain before. I am trying to imagine what it would be like to have such a vantage point of openness. [He smiled at the mention of Clive's father.] It sounds like the kind of place that he would want to be with how you've described him.
[He blinked at the assessment and leaned in to nuzzle Clive. That was a high compliment. Family had always become so important to him as he had matured.] Perhaps if Etraya sees fit to bring him here, we can discover if that's true.
[He did have a growing sense that Clive would be forcing him out of the city and wandering the wide world of Etraya. He typically walked between places, but it was always with that in mind. He had never wandered for the sake of seeing the scenery. He had been concerned he would find himself turned around and unable to find his way out of certain dense forests.] And maybe I'll show you some of the underground spaces that exist in this place. I'll trust you above ground if you trust me underground.
[He smiled as he lathered up Clive's hair, enjoying the simplicity of taking care of someone else. Of course, once all of this was over, they could lounge in the water together, letting the heat of the water soften tension from their muscles. It was not often he did this, especially with another person with whom he had developed such a strong instant connection with.]
Who am I to deny a meal? Of course I'll stay. I will have to make my way back to Etraya as I am working a shift tomorrow.
[As Clive began to wash him, Vander busied himself with returning his fingers to Clive's hair work conditioner into the locks. He decided it leave it in so that he could enjoy the younger man's ministrations to his body, though his head tipped slightly towards Clive at the soft humming. He listened to it, letting the tune relax his shoulders and bow his head.]
[Never in his life has Clive experienced anything even close to what this was. He couldn’t quite put how all of it felt into words, so ‘good’ would have to be sufficient for now. Maybe he could find words for it later, but it didn’t matter right now. All that mattered was being here with Vander.] I certainly hope so. There are still so many things that I want to explore with you. [The slight heat to the edge of Clive’s voice was a promise for later.]
Just for us… [Clive leaned in and kissed Vander once more. Yes. That sounded right. That felt right. This felt right.]
I would love to take you there. I don’t have the words to describe how beautiful Rosaria is. Hawk’s Cry Cliff is only the smallest part of my home. If I had the talent, I could draw it for you. Alas, drawing was not a skill I ever developed. [Maybe he could get Joshua to sketch some things for him.
Clive’s motions don’t stop, but they slow a bit as he thinks about that. What would it be like to see his father again after all this time? Would he be proud of his sons? Would he even recognize them? There were complex feelings there, but the older he got the more he understood. Maybe that was something he and Vander could talk about one day. He had never allowed someone to explore his deeper feelings about his father with him. Maybe the time for that was coming.]
He passed away when I was 15. I don’t know if he would even recognize me now. I would like to see him, at least once more. But I suppose that is how we feel when we lose the people we love. Always wishing for just a little more time. [Despite the somberness of the topic, Clive does not seem sad. Death was a natural part of life, just as natural as love, and they frequently walked hand-in-hand.]
Ah yes. Duty calls and all that. I hope that you’ll be able to get the rest you need. Hopefully, you won’t be too uncomfortable in my small bed.
[At Vander’s mention, Clive pauses the song and looks down at the man.]
When we were young, I would frequently visit Joshua and sing to him when he couldn’t sleep or he didn’t feel well. We would usually have to sneak behind mother’s back to do so. She was very protective of him. Here, I’ll sing it for you.
[Clive continues to wash Vander as he begins, resonant voice echoing off of the walls of the bathhouse. He sings a song of the moon and the ocean, of their gentle and eternal love for one another, their push and pull, eternally connected.
Throughout the rest of their bath, Clive would continue to occasionally hum little songs for Vander, some he didn’t remember the words to, some he hadn’t thought about in more than a decade. It felt good to sing. He couldn’t remember the last time he did so freely, especially in front of another person.
The two men slowly enjoyed the rest of their bath, washing each other, talking, leaning against each other in comfortable silence, occasional kisses and laughs and teasing. Reluctantly, they eventually left the bath, wrapped in soft, warm towels, for their short walk back to Clive’s room. They tidied up a bit, not bothering to get dressed, and changed the sheets.
Clive stretched, yawning and gesturing at the bed.]
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2025-07-31 05:36 pm (UTC)[He wondered what kind of live Clive would lead once that mission was over. Once all the fighting and the objectives and the war and the blight ended, assuming that they did in the younger man's lifetime. He supposed that it would simply turn to a different focus along the same lines. Perhaps Clive would find a partner in that and settle down or the pair would work closely together. He admitted to missing that closeness, but that had also been a long time ago.]
Oh you can. I've heard of plenty of people receiving items from home at their wishes. [He had never asked for anything, aware the one item he wanted would cause conflict. And they couldn't wish for people. Still, small trinkets came to him, reminding of what he was fighting for.] Where would you keep this music player of yours if you were granted it here?
[He smirked, filing that information away.] Did you? Well, I'll keep an eye on you if you're at the bar I work at and find yourself too deep into your cups. You can sleep behind the bar if my shift isn't over and I'll keep an eye on you. [It wouldn't be the first time someone slept back there. His smirk did widen at the implication.] So what you're saying is that you find yourself in all manner of trouble and drag everyone helping out down into it? Sounds fun. [He huffed.] Well, now you do know someone.
[He hummed in acknowledgement, glad that Clive did seem to be settling into this place. He hadn't done so as easily, but he was in a better place than when he started. He chuffed a sound of amusement as he nudged their noses together.] Good. Bonds here are important. You never know when you're going to need them. And does your brother know of this potential suitor, or do we need to help him out?
[The cloth worked over Clive's back, between those muscular shoulders and even scrubbed the back of Clive's neck as he began to wash the younger man down as promised. He concentrated on his task, yet remained keenly aware of the weight and warmth of Clive's arm on his shoulder. Soon, he was washing Clive's sides despite knowing that they were areas that the younger man was fully capable of reaching. He wanted to.]
It didn't used to be. I think this place has better shampoo and conditioner than I ever had. [He sighed at the kiss to his jaw, and his head tipped back into those fingers as they pushed into his hair. His eyes closed, enjoying the attention. He'd always liked other people with long hair, running his fingers through it, yet who knew it felt so good to be on the opposite end?]
Careful, you keep that up and I might just go to sleep.
no subject
Date: 2025-07-31 10:13 pm (UTC)[Clive thought about the first time he ever laid eyes on Joshua, how that tiny, strong hand had gripped his finger, how he had decided right then and there that he would do anything to protect him.] He has been my guiding light in some of the darkest moments of my life. He has protected me more than he knows. [Clive looks back at Vander.] Do you have any siblings?
[Clive does perk up a bit at that thought.]
First things first, I’m going to see if they’ll let me get my dog. [Torgal is, in fact, a wolf, and a fine one at that.] I think I would put it somewhere in the monastery. I am still exploring all of the places and have been thinking of changing one of the empty rooms to a peaceful place where I can relax that isn’t my bedroom.
[That was a story he had planned on taking to his grave, but Sophie knew a bit about it now. He didn’t intend to tell anyone else, but Vander also had a way of pulling the honesty out of him.] Hopefully, I don’t have to take you up on that, but I will. I’m not usually one to get too drunk. [Someone had to keep an eye on the other people in the party. Especially if Gav was there. A soft pang fills his heart, but Clive quickly pushes it aside.] Well hopefully any trouble I may end up getting into is fun. I wouldn’t want to lead you into something unpleasant. [He leans up to kiss the corner of Vander’s mouth.] Thank the Founder for that.
[He felt surprisingly safe being carried in Vander’s arms. The lack of control that comes with being carried sounded like something he would have wanted to avoid, but with Vander it was exciting.]
I don’t think he does, though I have the feeling it is reciprocated. [Clive chuckles.] Said suitor is pretty hopeless at picking up on cues so we probably will need to help them out. He’s very respectful. Very. You’ve seen him, actually. He’s the dragon from the battle earlier.
[His attention drifted to the feeling of the cloth running over his body, Vander’s hand steadying him, if it was possible to get lost in someone’s touch, he was on the fast track to learning how to do it with this man. He offered no resistance to Vander starting to wash his sides. He would let Vander wash every inch of him if the man wanted to.
Clive leaned up once more to kiss Vander, this time soft and slow, hand continuing to scratch across Vander’s scalp, his other hand coming up to rest on Vander’s chest. He could see them lying together in his bed, wrapped around each other, Clive’s hands in his hair, them talking quietly about anything and nothing and falling into quiet sleep.
He slid his hand up, traced fingers over strong collarbones, to drape that arm over Vander’s shoulder as well, pulling them closer together, never breaking the kiss. This want was so much different than the fiery want of desire, but felt just as good. When he reluctantly slowed the kiss, he did not move away.]
Then I’ll have to do it for you when we go back to my room.
[They were here to bathe but the only thing he wanted to do was kiss and touch and just be.]
no subject
Date: 2025-08-04 03:39 pm (UTC)Me? No. [He thought of leaving it like that, adding nothing but aware that it would be in poor taste after Clive had shared so much.] I had a cousin who I would visit when he was older, so we were close enough I suppose. My parents died when I was young, and my uncle didn't have the resources to spare raising an extra kid, so I went to the orphanage for most of my childhood. [He had visited anyway, much to his uncle's gruff aggravation; he knew the man cared yet was shamed he couldn't take Vander in. But between a nephew and a son, hard choices were made.
He smiled at the thought of a dog, and he was not surprised that Clive was an animal person on top of everything else. The younger man seemed to attract all manner of attention with that gregarious personality.] What's your dog's name? [He huffed in amusement.] You're going to make a audio room them, are you? Away from the noisiness of your bedroom because you have too many guests over, is it? Or maybe just one or two that come around to make it noisy...
[Ah, so Clive was the responsible one in a drinking situation, was he? That did not actually surprise Vander at all. There was a continual air of responsibility that he found attractive, perhaps because he had once been the same.] Well, if you come to the bar I work at, you can take a load off and enjoy yourself. I'll take care of you instead of you constantly having to do so for others. I'll even let you stay after closing while I clean up and we can talk. [They probably wouldn't by that point of the night, he suspected. Closing might actually take him longer with Clive sitting on a stool being a welcome distraction.
He snorted in amusement that the two in this courtship were unaware. His hands slid down Clive's soapy arm so that he could take special care with the younger man's hand, finding all the nooks and crannies with the soap and his own fingers.] I see. It seems I have a date with these two to meet and discover things about them. We can work together to bring them together. [He did enjoy setting up people, though he did not do it as often as he used to. Perhaps he was losing his touch, or perhaps he was too busy with his own dalliances.] You said the dragon's name was Bahamut? And the one he is bonded to is Dion...?
[His fingers massaged Clive's soaped up hand the up to wrist and back down again. He repeated the cleaning and massage with the other even as their lips found each other again. He did not need to see to know the younger man by feel in this cleaning session. His eyes even closed with Clive's fingers scratching through his hair and against his scalp. Of course, being touched in return meant having Clive's hands free and he didn't fight for them.
Instead, he was forced to break the slow affectionate kiss. He dropped slow and easy into the water, grasping Clive by a knee to bring one leg up so the younger man could set a foot on his shoulder. It was all so he could use soap and cloth to wash from the bottom of Clive's foot to up over the swell of hip, his fingers stroking long lines even as he was cleaning. He admired those big muscled legs, especially because signs of their previous activities needed to be washed off.]
Staying the night with you comes with so many added benefits...
no subject
Date: 2025-08-04 04:49 pm (UTC)[Clive takes a moment to rest his forehead on Vander’s shoulder. Despite all that she did and said, he found that he still loved her in his own way. That was what hurt the most. He took a deep breath and looked back up. He wasn’t sure why, but he wanted to talk to Vander about this, to tell him that what he was doing was good and kind and appreciated.] That it is. Oddly enough, [Clive tilted his head, smile soft.] It feels a little easier with you.
[Clive felt a small jolt of excitement at Vander continuing, giving him a glimpse into the life of the man in front of him.] I’m glad you had your cousin. Having at least a little connection with others can do a lot to help get through hard times. [He pauses, debating asking the next question. Well, Vander could always choose not to answer if needed.] What was it like, growing up in the orphanage?
His name is Torgal. I’ve had him since he was a pup. [Clive smiles fondly.] He was Cid’s for a while, actually. Togal and I got separated for a bit. So I guess you could say that when Cid came into my life, he brought pieces of home with him. [He had never expected to see Jill or Torgal again. And yet, there in the craggy desert of the Nysa Defile, a mysterious man from out of nowhere brought Clive home.
Clive focused back into the conversation. Would it be too much to tell Vander that he had been the first, that he was the only one? That didn’t necessarily mean that Vander would stay the only one, but right now he was satisfied with the man he had in front of him.] For things like this, [He emphasizes the gentle nature of what they were doing now with another soft kiss to Vander’s shoulder.] I tend to be a lot more selective. You, sir, surprised me.
That might be fun. [It probably would be. He would get to be there with Vander and people-watch, which was always an amusing activity. And maybe afterwards, well. They did seem to have a problem keeping their hands off each other.]
Dion is a gentle guidance sort of person. To be honest, I’m not sure how much he actually values himself, but that is based solely on what I have seen of him. We are pretty new to each other and I am still learning him. [Even if he did see into his mind and some of his most intimate and traumatizing memories. Thanks, power transference.] Yes, Dion is the Dominant of Bahamut, Warden of Light.
[Clive watched closely as Vander slowly washed him. He couldn’t help the soft exhale as the other man took meticulous and gentle care. There it was again, that flutter in his chest. This was so much more than he ever expected from something like this. Watched as the man lowered himself to kneel in front of Clive, take his leg gently and thoroughly running that cloth and those fingers over his skin.
Clive gazed down at Vander, eyes soft and the tiniest smile on his face, as he delicately touched him. Clive stroked the other man’s hair, occasionally scratching his nails gently on his scalp, traced dancing lines across his brow, his cheek, the strong bridge of a nose clearly at least once broken, reached down to scratch fingers through that stunning beard of his. A warmth that had nothing to do with the water or the steam filled him. It was so gentle and encompassing. He didn’t want this moment to stop. If he could bottle a feeling, a memory, and keep it forever, he would keep this.]
I aim to please. [And Clive found that to be entirely true.] Being pleased in return is a nice perk.
no subject
Date: 2025-08-04 05:17 pm (UTC)[Again, family was complicated as any other relationship, sometimes more so. It seemed that the more he dug into Clive's family dynamic, the more the picture was being painted of a dysfunction that explained a lot of who Clive had made himself into over time.] I appreciate that you feel you can trust me with this information. It's deeply personal.
[Vander's smile turned a touch sad, and he nodded his head.] Yeah, I had them for a time, and it was enough. My cousin had a son, and due to circumstances, I ended up adopting the boy later in my life. [Claggor had been a spitting image of their family tree, big and broad but gentle like his cousin. He turned his attention to the other topic.] Crowded, noisy and with barely enough to go around. I think my first night there it was ten kids to a bed. We were taught to read and write, but with so many of us, we tended to wander far and wide. Still, it was home for a long time and I met some people I would be friends with most of my life. [Until they or he died.
He filed away the pup's name, expecting he was going to need to use it sooner than later.] It seems fitting with a history like that that Torgul arrive here to be your companion again. [He hoped that Clive did see if Aurora would bring a companion in. Everyone needed someone or something from home.
He smirked at the fact that he was a first of a few experiences or at least someone that Clive had chosen. His hands smoothed over hard muscle under skin, soap making it easier to slide his own well worn callouses over the meat of Clive's thighs.] It sounds like you're saying I found a way to slip in when others can't. I'll take that as a high compliment of my skills. [It was more than that. The shared hunger, the instant connection. Those were hard to find.]
It sounds to me that there are plenty of people who have been chosen by these... Eikons that don't value their own selves and contributions. Cid, now Dion, and what of your brother? Does he value himself? [He took Clive's word for what each Eikon represented, filing away the information for when he might inevitably meet Dion in person.
For now, he wanted this time with Clive. His hands stroked up over the younger man's muscular ass cheeks, cleaning the mess he had made without hesitation. Once he was done with one leg, he lowered it back to the water so he could repeat the same gesture and touch with the other after setting it to his shoulder. All the while, he watched Clive, feeling the weight of those dazzling blue eyes.
His eyelids half closed as he felt those fingers in his hair and then smoothing over the contours of his face. He jutted his chin out towards those fingers in his beard like a dog enjoying a good scratch. His hands spent extra time on this leg, lathering and stroking it so they could keep this moment ongoing.]
You should be pleased more often, I think. A little reciprocal affection is worth its weight in gold, don't you think?
Sorry for the novel
Date: 2025-08-04 08:03 pm (UTC)[And that was it, really. He was strong, bold, charismatic, dedicated, and healthy. To her, a perfect choice for the Phoenix and yet… Clive closed his eyes, brow furrowed, thinking about the last time he saw her, what she had become, unsteady, unstable. Would that have happened if he found her sooner? Had been able to talk to her, get her to see past her bloodline? Or was this the wish of a child who did not know the touch of their mother? He wasn’t sure and now he would never be able to learn. Clive’s voice is quiet with a raw edge to it, a tone Vander would not have heard before now.] It is. Thank you for listening.
[Clive continues to trace gentle patters across Vander’s skin. So he lost his cousin and gained a son. When did Vander adopt the other two children, he wondered. Talking about his kids had been a sensitive topic before. He wanted to be gentle here, careful. Vander deserved softness.] So that was when you started learning what it was like to be a father. Would you be comfortable with telling me about him? Your son?
[Clive tries to imagine something that isn’t a barracks. A place full of children instead of the bitter stares of men enslaved to be thrown to the front to die. Would there have been laughter even though there was suffering there? Drawings and colorings made with supplies they scavenged from anywhere they could? Dolls made from scraps of old cloth? Children were so resilient. Clive thought of the children back at the Hideaway and hoped they were okay. He knew they were well cared for, but not being able to see them himself hurt more than he thought it would.]
Sometimes we meet people who will be with us our whole lives in the strangest of places. It makes sense that kids would connect there, though. I’m glad you were able to find people there that you cared for. [Even when love usually ended in heartbreak in one way or another.]
[Clive’s eyes fond at the thought of his faithful hound.] I’m going to ask her. If she allows it, I would love for you to meet him. He’s a great friend and a very good size for petting and hugging. Actually, when we were children and he was a pup, my friend Jill would carry him around. Maybe that’s part of the reason why he is so good with people despite being a wolf.
[Fire and Flame he wanted to kiss this man. Pull him up and pour himself into him. How did he do this? That smirk, the cadence of his voice. The teasing didn’t feel disingenuous, just playful. It was different. New. It was nice.] You certainly ensured that our spark turned into a flame. [He pauses.] I think we would have connected regardless, but I must say this has been a very exciting way to get to know someone.
[Clive thought for a couple of minutes.] I don’t think it is a matter of Joshua not valuing himself, he just values some people more and is willing to put himself in danger for that. [Clive watched his own hands touching Vander, thinking about the cage in Joshua’s chest, something he did to save Clive, something that was killing him. Well. He’d already said this much. In for a penny.] He did something similar for me. It was very dangerous. Maybe that’s why I am more resistant to let him protect me, too. [Even if he was already doing it every day.]
[Clive gently took his thoughts and concerns for Joshua and set them aside. Guilt stabbed into him at the thought of wanting to take the time to be cared for. His fingers still for a moment. He is allowed to have these things. It is okay. He’s not putting Joshua aside, he’s making space for something new. He can make space for something new.
Clive’s fingers started moving again when his first leg was lowered into the water, the sensation pulling him back into the moment. The guilt still lingered, but it retreated to the edges of his mind, haunting quietly like the ghost it had been for most of his life, a sensation he was long past getting used to.
The gentleness, the caresses, the warmth from Vander’s hands, his skin, how his hair felt under his hands. Clive felt something swell in his chest, a burst of affection at how Vander reacted to getting his beard scratched. Had his leg not been over Vander’s shoulder, he would have been down in the water, kissing him. The smile he couldn’t keep from his face was so full of wonder and fondness. What a strange, wonderful man. He fell into the sensation of Vander’s ministrations.]
Yes. [His response was quiet, a breath out, a secret admission of a desire he hadn’t acknowledged, something coaxed from deep within.
Clive slid his leg off of Vander’s shoulder and sank into the water in front of him. He pulled the other man closer, pressing their bodies together and tangled a hand into the other man’s hair, the other arm wrapped around Vander’s waist. His words, when spoken, were a gentle whisper.]
Kiss me.
I read your novel & provided one in return
Date: 2025-08-06 02:23 am (UTC)[He tipped his head so that his cheek came to rest against Clive’s knee, watching the grimace overtake the younger man’s otherwise pleasant appearance. There was so much to unpack from that experience, like why the family had not stopped Clive from being taken to slavery? Why had they not protected their offspring from that life and the high possibility of death that came with it? Again, family was a complicated subject, one best left for other spaces.] Of course. I will listen to anything that you feel that you can entrust me with.
[He shook his head a little at the statement, lips pressing to a flat line.] No, there were friends of mine whose young children stayed with me while they worked. I had a more secure location, and the shifts in the mines was twelve hours, so it was easiest if I minded them. [That’s where he learned skills at being fatherly, and it would come into play when Felicia and Connol died, leaving Vander with sole responsibility of raising the girls.] A chip off his father’s block, I suppose. My cousin was big and broad similar to me, and so was Claggor. He had a gentle nature to him that didn’t thrive well in our home, but when called to action, he didn’t hesitate to involve himself. He was a smart boy and had a thing about botany, which is strange given how few plants thrived in the undercity. [He shrugged his shoulders, his hands still washing Clive in an absentminded manner of someone who had retreated internally.] Claggor died just before I came here. Him and Mylo, my other son.
[He nodded his head, forcing a smile on his face as he shook off the dark memories of seeing his children crushed and buried while dust and smoke tried to choke them. It was true that he had met some amazing people here, and he considered Clive to be one of them despite having just met the younger man. It was necessary to put one foot in front of the other after facing down the long due vengeance that was brought upon him.]
I don’t know many people that would consider a wolf anything more than a wild animal. Still, there are occasion when pups are seen on the black market for trade or sale. [They did not do well in the undercity for the lack of forests. But he did not deny that they were likely to be loyal companions if traded well and treated right.] Jill isn’t here, is she?
[He huffed in amusement to the compliment, and that was an excellent show that he still had those old skills. Of course, both of them had been open and raw to this kind of connection that they had shared with each other.] This is one of the more exciting ways that I’ve met and connected with someone. Normally people I meet don’t immediately take me home and show me a good time, including a massive bath like this.
[He listened and considered; he honestly needed to meet Clive’s brother and assess for himself. Some people were self-sacrificing, and perhaps that was part of what it was to be chosen by the Phoenix?] That sounds like befitting behavior of someone with high expectations about what it means to be chosen for a higher cause. Someone willing to take damage so that others can be protected. [Self destructive if it went too far.] You know he will do it again if he thinks it will protect you, right? Your opposition to that fact won’t help his choices, just as I expect he wouldn’t want you to sacrifice everything you are for him?
[Clive was an expressive man, but it took time to determine what expression came to the younger man’s handsome features. Was that… guilt? The last topic was Joshua, so perhaps the ongoing continued complications of family extended this far. Who knew, and it did not seem to be a topic worth pursuing as he finished washing Clive and then simply enjoyed the simplicity of touching the other man at the same time being touched in return. That smile made everything worth it and more, how it alighted Clive’s face and eyes but also twisted that scar in a new show of defiance against the sorrow it probably was meant to represent.
He allowed Clive’s leg to slide off of his shoulder, and his arms slid around the younger man’s back as Clive joined him in the pleasantly hot water. He pulled the younger man up against him, still slick from soap, and yet his head fell backwards as the fingers in his hair, and he breathed a low sound out of his throat at the request.
With both gentleness and affection, he leaned in to seal their lips together. It was quiet and simple, yet he wanted it to have the same weight as their most passionate kisses. It was both thanks and welcome and friendly.]
Legitimately I wonder what the word count is for this whole thread.
Date: 2025-08-06 07:41 pm (UTC)[Clive watched Vander rest his cheek on his knee and traced his fingers along his cheek. He was a giving man, Vander. Generous with his support and his time. Clive could see a lot of his own behaviors in this man. He knew what usually came with that kind of attentiveness.] The same is true for you, Vander. If there is anything you ever want to share, I’ll listen.
[Clive watched Vander as he spoke. This was difficult for him, just as talking about Clive’s family was difficult. And yet, he shared. Clive wondered what happened to those girls, what happened to their parents if Vander considered his time with their children his first true experience being a father. 12 hours a day was more than enough time to form a connection like that, but was that all? There was pain in this man, pain so deep that Clive couldn’t quite see the bottom.
Oh. Oh no. His sons. Clive’s heart broke for the man who was absently touching him, mind clearly elsewhere. Clive pressed his touch a little harder, making sure they could still be felt through the haze that came with faraway looks like that. But the smile that Vander forced after was what hurt the most. He traced his fingers along those lips, against that false smile.] You never have to fake a smile for me, Vander. I want you to know that. [He touched the corner of Vander’s mouth.] Though I understand if you need to do it for you.
[Clive left one hand to gently cup Vander’s cheek and the other to pet those soft locks.] Wolves are intelligent creatures and very loyal. I do think that they deserve to stay wild and be free. My father took pity on Torgal. His family had been killed and he was all alone as a pup, so my father brought him home to me as a gift.[And Clive had always been good with animals. Jill’s gentle presence and Joshua’s love helped the pup to know home and love. He missed so much of Torgal’s life and that pained him, but he also took solace in the fact that Torgal found Cid and the people of the Hideaway. He had a home when Clive couldn’t provide one for him. He had never expressed his gratitude for that. Maybe he should.
Clive shook his head.] No, she isn’t. I already miss her. [Her presence was always so grounding, her clear ice grey eyes always sharp but kind, her gentle, encouraging smile. His heart clenched in his chest and he had to remind himself that she was safe. That she had to be safe. He chased the pain away with Vander’s gentle affection and set the guilt there aside as well. Later. He would look at it later. Right now, he only wanted to look at this man.
He let that affection in his chest stay, grow, warm him. He was allowed to hold this space for other people. And Vander had quickly made a home in that space. Clive wondered how long he would stay, if this was something he would want to do again. Not just the sex, but this. The bath, the conversation, the care.
Right now, that didn’t matter. He let himself fall into that kiss. It was just as wonderful as any of their other kisses that promised passion and sometimes even a bit of violence. This was just as good, something that soothed and watered the seeds of friendship Vander had planted. This would be unlike any friendship Clive ever had, that’s for certain. The thought made him smile into the kiss. Slowly, he tapered off and rested his forehead against Vander’s.]
Shall I wash your hair now? [He nuzzled Vander’s nose lightly.] And maybe the rest of you, if you’ll let me.
An actual half novel I expect
Date: 2025-08-09 10:35 pm (UTC)Yet, he did appreciate the added application of pressure to the touch of Clive's fingers against his skin. It drew his slowly out of the darkness of that evening, the smell of acrid chemicals, smoke, concrete dust, the confusion spark of chem-tech lights casting shadows over the debris field and then looking through the clouds of dust to spy Claggor and Mylo crushed under the rocks. Maybe they died before the internal wall collapse. Maybe they hadn't.
His smile remained yet became worn by old grief at the edges. He held himself together because the situation seemed to require it, and the shadow of the past lingered in his gaze even as he tried to shake it off and bring himself back to the here and the now. Clive's voice and touch helped him find his way back.] Ah well, if I don't smile, I expect I'll ruin the mood with potential tears and we don't have time for that, do we? [They did, but he wanted to save face here.
Instead, he focused on their time together in the bath as he finished washing Clive. Hair, face and neck was about all that he had left, but he appreciated sitting in the bath like this.] I can't say we have many, if any, wolves where I'm from, not in the city at least. There are some in forests and grasslands, but that's well beyond where I live. It is nice that you've had such a loyal companion and you'll be hopefully bringing him here. [He hadn't had too much room in his life for pets, but he liked playing with some of the stray cats now and again.] Maybe Jill will arrive here someday.
[He leaned into their affection, and he was keen to chase away the darker topics of conversation even if they were necessary for growth between them. It was enough, he thought, and they had a kiss to enjoy and Clive needed to be rinsed off. He hummed as their kiss broke and their foreheads came together, his hands smoothing over slick skin of Clive's back.]
If you want to. We need to do yours as well. [He glanced down slightly at himself. He was equally a mess as Clive had been.] You can if you want. What do you say to your bed calling us again after this? [To settle into and cuddle. Who didn't need a nice spooning session after good sex and a bath?]
If it wouldn't be so much dang work I'd check it.
Date: 2025-08-10 03:34 pm (UTC)Clive watched as Vander slowly came out of the dark space in his mind where his pain was, where he was sure Vander could see the dark time of the day he lost his sons. Even with Joshua alive and with him, Clive still saw the day where he thought he killed his little brother, screaming and bones breaking. It would haunt him forever. He imagined this would be much the same.
That smile, sad at the edges, that was one that pulled with something real, pain or not. Clive kept his fingers resting softly against the corner of Vander’s mouth, the smile he gave the man was warm and a little sad, sharing in his partner’s pain. His voice had a playful edge to the warmth there when he spoke.] I already did that, remember?
[But he fully understood not wanting to. This was nice, what they had going here. It was gentle and warm. It wasn’t anything near what Clive expected and he relished every moment of it, even the ones tinged with pain.]
I wish I could show you the beautiful parts of my world. There are so many breathtaking places there that I would love for you to see. [Even with the Blight slowly encroaching on the world, nature was still everywhere, fighting to live.] Would you ever be able to see those places back home for you? [He knew that travel wasn’t something that was doable for everyone and, from the sounds of it, he’s probably very busy keeping food on the table.]
If I am able to get Torgal here, would you like to go on walks with us? I’m sure he would love the company. [A light blush dusted Clive's cheeks.] So would I.
[The thought of Jill being here gave rise to conflicted emotions. He would love to see her, to have her here beside him. She would get to see and be with Cid again, get to spend time with Joshua, get to meet so many wonderful people, but would she be able to settle knowing that their world was without them? That all who stood against Ultima were here? Every remaining Dominant?
And would he still be allowed to touch Vander like this? Feel his hands on him both in gentleness and in pleasure? To be so close, to kiss him and feel his warmth? Would Jill understand? Did he? Clive felt that terrible pang in his chest again and moved from where their foreheads touched to bury his face in Vander’s neck. His voice was muffled when he spoke.]
Maybe. I don’t know if I would want her to be trapped here, too. Wanting her near me feels selfish when it comes with not being able to protect our home directly.
[Instead of the pain in his chest, he focused on the hands on his back, on how Vander’s voice rumbled against him, soft and affectionate. He held onto that and let the comfort from it all chase the pain back. He knew it wouldn’t be gone forever, but right now he just wanted to want Vander and be wanted in return. To care for and be cared for. When he pulled back to look at Vander again, the pain had drifted to its place away from the forefront.]
I would like to. [He wanted to touch Vander in the ways he had been touched. If this was how Vander treated all of those he slept with, he was sure the man had already experienced all of this and it wouldn’t necessarily be anything special, but Clive wanted to show his appreciation. He nodded at the comment of getting the rest of himself clean. He reached behind Vander to the container with the shampoo and handed it to Vander. He pressed another gentle kiss to the older man’s lips.]
That sounds amazing. [He gave Vander’s nose a brief brush with his own.] I hope you’re ready to hold me. My bed would be too small otherwise.
[And he was learning he liked to be the little spoon.]
no subject
Date: 2025-08-10 06:17 pm (UTC)He snorted softly and leaned into Clive's hand, acknowledging that yes, his lover had indeed cried after they had finished with one another. Perhaps he could shed a few tears, but right now, he didn't feel up to it.] Yes but your tears were as a result of how mind-blowing sex is with me. They were complimentary tears to my performance. These ones would just be sad.
[And he didn't want to be sad here with Clive. He still felt it like a weight on his shoulders, of course, but part of them coming together like this was to escape the pain that was layered over them and weighing them down. He wanted to provide the same escape that he found with Clive, able to take a load off for a few hours before having to pick it up again.
His smile broadened and warmed at talk of the younger man's world.] Oh yeah? Like where? Describe it to me. [He hummed at the idea of meeting Clive's companion wolf, and he wasn't opposed. It would be nice to know more of the people and creatures of Clive's world after all.] Well, probably not. Travel for me is rather restrictive, so I can't walk away. [For multiple reasons: The Last Drop, he was dead, he had kids, he had lost the Lanes and mostly he was dead.] But I'd be interested in going for walks in the woods, but you'll have to be there otherwise I'll be lost. Everything looks the same in woods to me.
[He blinked at Clive's reaction, tipping his chin up when he felt the warmth of the younger man's face pressing into his neck. His arms moved instinctively to encircle Clive, pulling the soapy body against his own in an act of comfort. He made a point of tipping his head so he could rest his chin against Clive's temple and let the younger man stay against his neck as long as needed.
He understood the logic, yet there seemed to be a deeper conflict in Clive regarding his friend, Jill. Now was not the time to probe into that though.]
She's the stalwart of your world while you're here, hmm? She'll keep things on track until you return triumphant saving your world from here, yeah?
[He nodded his head as they pulled apart and he took the shampoo bottle and emptied some into his palm before setting the bottle aside. He smeared some on both hands and then reached up to dive his fingers into Clive's wet hair, massaging the younger man's scalp as he worked the thick nice smelling gel into a lather then made a point of spiking Clive's hair for the fun of it.
He chuckled and dropped his hands away so he could rinse them off in the water before he was picking up the soap for a lather and washed Clive's neck and face gently before one hand dropped to wash the younger man's genitals and dip back between Clive's legs to do the same to his ass.]
Well, what kind of man would I be if I just let you fall off your own bed because I took up so much space on it? Nah, I'll hold you close all night.
I got about 1/5th of the way through the thread and we were already at 12,000 words.
Date: 2025-08-12 12:59 am (UTC)He’d leave it at that. Now that he had spent more time with the man, he would greatly doubt that Vander missed that Clive’s tears from earlier were not simply from being overstimulated. The panic that had gripped him at the thought of Vander leaving him there, undone and alone, that overcame him. His whispered ‘Please don’t go’. He hadn’t been pushed to talk, had been cared for like he was afraid he wouldn’t be. And even now, Vander was protecting him from his own truths. Instead of filling him with shame, it filled him with warmth.]
There are a lot of places that are so beautiful. I think if I had to pick one, I would like you to see Hawk’s Cry Cliff. [Clive smiled at the memory of his homeland.] The grass there is high and green, rolling hills meet crags and cliffs. If you climb, you can see for miles in any direction on a clear day. Even on the foggy ones, you can see. I would like to ride Ambrosia through the tall grass and explore with Jill and, when able, Joshua. Although it was always more difficult to sneak him away if he was let outside of the keep. [Clive gently twisted and untwisted a bit of Vander’s hair between his fingers, gaze far away, fond, and just a little melancholy.] You could see my childhood home from the cliffs there. My father… [His smile turns sad but still fond.] We laid him to rest there so he would be safe and never too far from home.
[Clive blinks and looks back at Vander.] I’m beginning to think he would have liked you, my father. [Time would tell for certain, but Vander had already exhibited traits he knew Elwin would have approved of. Attentiveness, kindness, humor, strength, tenderness, shrewdness, wit, a keen eye.]
We’ll just have to make sure you can see as much nature as possible while you’re here then. Make the best of it. And don’t worry, I won’t let you get lost. I have a pretty keen sense of direction.
[Despite the pangs of uncertainty and guilt, being with Vander like this was comforting. He sighed and willfully pushed the tension out of his body, letting the water take it and wash it away, focusing on Vander’s breathing, watching the pulse point in his neck, feeling his hands against him.
At the feeling of Vander’s strong fingers against his scalp, his eyes slowly closed and a little appreciative groan fell from slightly parted lips. The contented sounds soon turned to quiet laughter as Vander played around with making shapes with his hair.
That feeling of vulnerability seeped back in, not in a fearful or uncomfortable way, but in the way that he knew he would be okay here, that this was a safe space. It wasn’t Vander cleaning his nethers that did it, but feeling those calloused fingers gently wash his face. He kept his eyes closed as he felt the water sluice over him. He almost didn’t want to open his eyes again once he was free of soap. It all just felt so peaceful. When was the last time he felt at peace?]
That’s what I was hoping to hear. Will you stay for breakfast tomorrow?
[Slowly, Clive opened his eyes. I reached back over Vander’s shoulder for the conditioner, passed it to the other man, then lathered soap onto the second washcloth and began his slow, meticulous exploration of Vander’s body, soft cloth moving in gentle circles. Without noticing, he had started humming a little song he used to hum for Joshua when they were small children.]
Yeah, yeah it's actually a novel that we've written in here!
Date: 2025-08-16 08:08 pm (UTC)[He was looking forward to learning more about Clive, but he wanted it to be natural between them. A give and take just like it had been when they first met and then in the woods and even now in the bathing room. It was clear that both of them were men who carried their scars and experiences upon their shoulders, and it took trust to have them open up. They did not generally allow others to shoulder their burdens with them, if his impressions of Clive were correct.]
Hawk's Cry Cliff. [He repeated the location to commit it to memory. His smile grew as Clive described it, and it was like no where he had probably traveled too, not as a cave dweller that he was. He had been around Etraya enough to understand the type of scene that Clive was describing.] I've never climbed an actual mountain before. I am trying to imagine what it would be like to have such a vantage point of openness. [He smiled at the mention of Clive's father.] It sounds like the kind of place that he would want to be with how you've described him.
[He blinked at the assessment and leaned in to nuzzle Clive. That was a high compliment. Family had always become so important to him as he had matured.] Perhaps if Etraya sees fit to bring him here, we can discover if that's true.
[He did have a growing sense that Clive would be forcing him out of the city and wandering the wide world of Etraya. He typically walked between places, but it was always with that in mind. He had never wandered for the sake of seeing the scenery. He had been concerned he would find himself turned around and unable to find his way out of certain dense forests.] And maybe I'll show you some of the underground spaces that exist in this place. I'll trust you above ground if you trust me underground.
[He smiled as he lathered up Clive's hair, enjoying the simplicity of taking care of someone else. Of course, once all of this was over, they could lounge in the water together, letting the heat of the water soften tension from their muscles. It was not often he did this, especially with another person with whom he had developed such a strong instant connection with.]
Who am I to deny a meal? Of course I'll stay. I will have to make my way back to Etraya as I am working a shift tomorrow.
[As Clive began to wash him, Vander busied himself with returning his fingers to Clive's hair work conditioner into the locks. He decided it leave it in so that he could enjoy the younger man's ministrations to his body, though his head tipped slightly towards Clive at the soft humming. He listened to it, letting the tune relax his shoulders and bow his head.]
That song...
This is the longest thread I have ever done.
Date: 2025-08-30 04:26 pm (UTC)Just for us… [Clive leaned in and kissed Vander once more. Yes. That sounded right. That felt right. This felt right.]
I would love to take you there. I don’t have the words to describe how beautiful Rosaria is. Hawk’s Cry Cliff is only the smallest part of my home. If I had the talent, I could draw it for you. Alas, drawing was not a skill I ever developed. [Maybe he could get Joshua to sketch some things for him.
Clive’s motions don’t stop, but they slow a bit as he thinks about that. What would it be like to see his father again after all this time? Would he be proud of his sons? Would he even recognize them? There were complex feelings there, but the older he got the more he understood. Maybe that was something he and Vander could talk about one day. He had never allowed someone to explore his deeper feelings about his father with him. Maybe the time for that was coming.]
He passed away when I was 15. I don’t know if he would even recognize me now. I would like to see him, at least once more. But I suppose that is how we feel when we lose the people we love. Always wishing for just a little more time. [Despite the somberness of the topic, Clive does not seem sad. Death was a natural part of life, just as natural as love, and they frequently walked hand-in-hand.]
Ah yes. Duty calls and all that. I hope that you’ll be able to get the rest you need. Hopefully, you won’t be too uncomfortable in my small bed.
[At Vander’s mention, Clive pauses the song and looks down at the man.]
When we were young, I would frequently visit Joshua and sing to him when he couldn’t sleep or he didn’t feel well. We would usually have to sneak behind mother’s back to do so. She was very protective of him. Here, I’ll sing it for you.
[Clive continues to wash Vander as he begins, resonant voice echoing off of the walls of the bathhouse. He sings a song of the moon and the ocean, of their gentle and eternal love for one another, their push and pull, eternally connected.
Throughout the rest of their bath, Clive would continue to occasionally hum little songs for Vander, some he didn’t remember the words to, some he hadn’t thought about in more than a decade. It felt good to sing. He couldn’t remember the last time he did so freely, especially in front of another person.
The two men slowly enjoyed the rest of their bath, washing each other, talking, leaning against each other in comfortable silence, occasional kisses and laughs and teasing. Reluctantly, they eventually left the bath, wrapped in soft, warm towels, for their short walk back to Clive’s room. They tidied up a bit, not bothering to get dressed, and changed the sheets.
Clive stretched, yawning and gesturing at the bed.]
Do you want the wall side or the room side?